Email Beta

Here something that you might want to read it was on the news . 

(Oh right, I remember. It was on the That’s Bull**** News Network. Your number 1 source for Bull**** News)

Dear Friends, 

(I don’t befriend imbeciles)

Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates is sharing his fortune.

(Yeah, with starving children in Africa. All you need to do is be impoverished and you can get a small portion of that sweet, M$ money.)

If you ignore this you will repent later.

(Dear Jesus, forgive me for ignoring some bull**** chain letter. I didn’t know it was going to offend you.)

Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program,

(BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

(They’re just now beta testing email? Wait till someone tells them about facebook)

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it if you are a Microsoft Windows user for a two week time period.

(Microsoft can do the impossible, but only if you’re not a dirty mac user.)

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $241.00.

(Why can’t I get the full $245 for each pass on? Why you gotta play me like that, M$?)

Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a cheque.

(Oh, a cheque. How fancy)

Regards.
Charles S. Bailey
General Manager Field Operations
[CONTACT DETAILS REMOVED]

(This guy is so committed to this project, he doesn’t want to be contacted)

I thought this was a scam myself, but two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on, Microsoft contacted me for my address and within days, I received a cheque for US$24,800.00.

(Wait, how did you get the money if this is the first time you sent this out? You mean you can send out multiple emails?)

You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this Bill Gates is the man.

(As we all know, Gates got rich by carelessly throwing money at random people for stupid reasons. It’s what rich people do.)

It's all marketing expense to him.

(That’s some expensive marketing, especially since they’re not even selling a product)

Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least US$10,000.00.

(And cause rampant inflation, but lets not get into economics now.)

We're not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time.

(I’m sure he’ll reward us with the finger and a laugh at falling for this stupid crap)

My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game.

(Thanks for the incomplete sentence. How can I not trust a person with intelligence like yours?)

She showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid In Full".

(Hey! You guaranteed at least $10,000 a few lines earlier and now some bimbo only got 4k? And how the hell is she getting cents when the email rates all end on the dollar?)

Like I said before, I know the law,

(You never said you knew the law. But if a nameless internet person says they do, it must be true. After all, who would lie on the internet?)

and this is for real Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the most widely used program,

(BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Oh, I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! Get me an oxygen mask, stat!)

Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. 

(So much for Microsoft and Bill Gates, within a few sentences Microsoft went from a huge marketing budget to f**k this sh*t. You’d think a chain letter would at least keep lies consistent. I mean, you even bragged about the guy personally and how he could definitely fund this for marketing just a few lines back. I am ashamed of you, chain letter. Whatever happened to the days where we put time and effort into scams that waste people time? What does it say about America when even our scammers are lazy?)